Are you experiencing
pain or feelings of lack in your life due to something
that has caused emotional or financial changes or
perhaps a broken or dysfunctional relationship or
illness? Perhaps you have changed jobs recently or
lost a job?
Someone once said “The only
constant is change…”
We all have to deal with change throughout
our lives. Sometimes the change is predictable, but
sometimes unpredictable change happens, which throws
us totally off-balance. Caro Handley said that there
are four types of change we can expect to face at
some point in our lives:
Change we expect and want (like a new job)
Change we expect but don't want (like having major
surgery)
Change we don't expect but want (like winning the
sweepstakes)
Change we don't expect and don't want (like sudden
illness or death)
CREATE
CHANGE
Create experiences you want instead
of suffering through experiences you don’t want…
Change would serve you much better if you planned
it. Decide upfront what you want and write it
down. Don’t forget to also write down your reasons
for wanting the change. This will help you to embrace
it.
ACCEPTANCE
Accept that you will have to give
something up in order to create a new experience in
your life. For instance, if you decide to get married,
you give up your single life happily (good change),
but if you decide to start your own business, you
give up your monthly salary feeling very insecure
(bad or unpleasant change).
Achievers almost always embrace change
because to them it indicates growth. Even change for
the worse can be turned into a growth experience for
an achiever, because they look at how the change can
serve them. I know someone who was retrenched a year
ago. He was devastated because he has a young family
and he had to face the fact that the chances of him
being employed again were slim due to our Black Economic
Empowerment policies. He made a decision to become
an entrepreneur and started his business with very
little capital - but a whole lot of guts. His income
has more than doubled!
Also accept that even the smallest
of change will have an impact on you, whether you
have chosen the change or not. Changing your routine;
a new computer; a new image; a new job - all change
has an effect on your psyche. Don’t fret over
it, find support and embrace it.
SUPPORT
Find someone who will support you
during this period of change. Having a mentor or a
coach for guidance will change the way you see and
do things. Choose a mentor who has experienced the
same change as the one you’re planning or are
forced into. Remember your family and friends are
invaluable sources of support. Talking to them about
the changes in your life will help to put things in
perspective and it will help you to gain clarity on
a whole new vision for your future.
Caro Handley says the trouble with
change is that it has a cluster effect. One change
often seems to be followed by several more and it
can feel as though your whole world is changing. Here’s
her guide for coping with change as easily as possible:
Expect a reaction
People often say: “I don’t know why it’s
affected me so much” and criticise themselves
for crying, laughing, or feeling moody. All these,
and every other emotion are normal in the face of
change – any change.
Let yourself
grieve
Change, no matter how good it is, means loss. When
something in your life changes you lose the old way
of being or the old set of circumstances. And loss
means grief and nostalgia.
Go with the
flow
Resist and be rigid in the face of change and it will
be a lot more painful. The secret is to be flexible
and you can ride it out more easily. Think of yourself
like a boat in a storm. Turn against the waves and
they’ll crush you, go with them and they’ll
carry you home.
Hang on to
the familiar
If the change is big then keep up many familiar things
as you can – and remind yourself of how much
in your life isn’t changing. Stick to your usual
routines, see people you normally see, and reassure
yourself that not everything has to change just because
some things have.
Get
support
Don’t try to cope alone or keep your feelings
to yourself. Talk about it, have a hug, a laugh, a
cup of tea and a bit of reassurance. Being brave doesn’t
always mean managing alone. It may mean finding the
courage to ask for help.
Divide it
up
When possible divide bigger changes into smaller steps.
For instance, a house move, a wedding or a divorce
involves several stages. When you feel overwhelmed
by the enormity of the change, concentrate on the
step you’ve reached, rather than the bigger
picture.
Find the good
in it
Some changes feel awful – death, illness, financial
loss and many others can feel like the end of the
world. Sometimes you have to look very hard to find
the blessing in such changes, but there always is
one. It’s through change that we grow wiser
and stronger and learn to make better decisions.
Know
that it will end
All change comes to an end when the new circumstances
are in place and become familiar to you. Every change,
no matter how big, will end and you’ll return
to a feeling of normality. Keep this in mind when
you feel as though you’re in the middle of a
bumpy ride.
BY ELSABÉ
MANNING
